THE COUNTDOWN

FIVE DAYS TO THE AGE OF OBAMIUS

Posted at 6:44 a.m. ET

In five days the world will be enriched by the inauguration of The One.  The Sun will come out again, and remain out.  Evil will be banished.  Our 401K's will be filled to overflowing.  And that's only on the first day.

We can report the following developments:

- Rounding out his meetings with journalists of different beliefs, Mr. Obama had lunch with members of the vegetarian press.  He spoke about his warm feelings for beets.

- Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden will say goodbye to the Senate in special speeches this morning.  Clinton is going to the State Department.  Biden is going to an undisclosed location.

- The White House announced that the increased security needed for the Obama inauguration was made financially possible when Treasury Secretary designate Tim Geithner paid his back taxes.

- CIA Director designate Leon Panetta said that he will be disguised among the flowers on an inaugural-parade float, so he can keep an eye on the crowd and detect any major threats to the nation.

- Obama's press secretary announced that President Obama will repeal "Don't ask, don't tell."  This will clear the way for liberals to serve openly in the armed forces.

- Obama plans to visit the Pentagon, which is on the Virginia side of the Potomac River, by walking across the water.  He denied that this was showing off.

January 15, 2009.